This may come as a shock, but many years ago, I was a Missionary for the LDS (Mormon) Church.

Me, "Elder Foley" Milwaukee WI, circa 2001
Me, "Elder Foley" being hilarious in Milwaukee WI, circa 2001
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That was over 20 years ago, and my life and faith have changed dramatically since that time.  But there are some things I remember about going door to door trying to talk to people about Religion.

For the most part, people did one of three things.

  1. Yelled at us
  2. Said "not interested"
  3. Pretended to not be home.
The majority of people acted like this when they saw missionaries at the door. (Canva)
The majority of people acted like this when they saw missionaries at the door. (Canva)
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Some missionaries were good at shrugging this off, and for others it sent them into a spiraling depression.  I was more in the "pit of despair and self loathing for 2 years" camp.

But every now and then people would talk to us.  Unfortunately, the only people that would talk to us were either

  1. Preachers trying to "convert" us, or
  2. Lunatics who thought they were Abraham Lincoln.
The only people who would talk to us missionaries were either preachers or nut jobs (Canva)
The only people who would talk to us missionaries were either preachers or nut jobs (Canva)
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There was no 3rd category.

UNTIL NOW!!!!!

Using my easy to follow suggestions, you can both brighten a horribly depressed missionary's day, and have some fun for yourself in the process.

Each of these suggestions assume you don't want to listen to their message, but if you want to, you can do that too.

You may have strong feelings against the LDS Church or religion in general.  That's completely understandable.  However, I've never seen anyone change their beliefs because someone was screaming at them. If anything, being mean makes people dig deeper into their convictions.

Each one of these are great ways to say "no thank you" in the most polite and entertaining ways possible. There's no sense in being mean or combative.

Besides, isn't that what Jesus would have us do?

"Don't be a jerk" - Jesus
"Don't be a jerk" (paraphrasing)  - Jesus
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