I've said it before, and I'll say it again.

Going outside is a terrible idea.

There's all kinds of dangerous animals, crazy criminals, and to top it all off it turns out even the PLANTS are trying to murder you.

But if you're one of those weird people who actually turns off the TV and goes outside from time to time, here is a list of the most common plants in Utah that will try to kill you if given the chance.

MUSHROOMS

Don't eat mushrooms in the woods or from a guy in a leather jacket behind a dumpster. (Canva)
Don't eat mushrooms in the woods or from a guy in a leather jacket behind a dumpster. (Canva)
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Eating wild mushrooms could do a host of different things to you. For one thing you could go on a crazy drug trip and run into traffic naked. On the other hand, you could just fall over and DIE.

So unless you have a degree in botany, you probably won't know the difference between a dangerous mushroom and a safe one. It's best to treat them all as being dangerous.

Besides, even the safe ones don't taste all that great. It's a great way to ruin a pizza if you ask me.

MYRTLE SPURGE

Myrtle Spurge is a plant that sounds like a weird old lady. (Canva)
Myrtle Spurge is a plant that sounds like a weird old lady. (Canva)
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Myrtle Spurge sounds like the made up name of an old woman who lives above a bakery and asks strangers to give her sponge baths.

But what Myrtle Spurge really is, is this spiky looking beast that grows in the foothill areas of Utah and in some home landscapes.

Much like the character I just made up, touching Myrtle Spurge can cause skin irritation, a painful rash and blistering.

And if that wasn't scary enough, in severe cases, it could cause blindness.  Which now that I think of it, would come in handy when you give Myrtle that sponge bath.

POISON IVY

The plant, not the lady in the Batman comics. (canva)
The plant, not the lady in the Batman comics. (canva)
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Everybody knows the old rhyme, "leaves of three. Let it be."

People also know a lot of rhymes that start with a woman from Nantucket, but that's another conversation.

Poison ivy and poison oak can cause a painful rash that feels absolutely horrible. It's so bad, that it is been compared to getting a hug from your ex-boyfriend who dumped you for your roommate back in college. Freaking disgusting.

 

STINGING NETTLE

Stinging Nettle is a poisonous Utah plant, and a great name for a rock band. (canva)
Stinging Nettle is a poisonous Utah plant, and a great name for a rock band. (canva)
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If you see this plant, leave it alone completely. It grows in moist and shaded woodland areas and just looking at it seems to say "you want a piece of me? I'll throw a cinderblock at your cat!"

Touching this plant can cause severe skin irritation and pain.

VIRGINIA CREEPER

Virginia Creeper, also known as "Kevin Spacey in Virginia" (Canva)
Virginia Creeper, also known as "Kevin Spacey in Virginia" (Canva)
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Virginia creeper is not only the name of this poisonous plant, but it's the nickname women gave my cousin from Virginia.

You've probably seen this around because it's pretty common in gardens, and it's used as a ground cover or on fences.

But in case you ever lost your freaking mind and decided to shove some of this in your mouth, you will find that it will give you not just an upset stomach, but give you blisters in your mouth.  Which now that I think of it...don't a lot of creepers have mouth sores? Huh.

In short, memorize these five most common poisonous plants in Utah and it'll save you a lot of trouble. And diarrhea.

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