AI Does a Comedic Roast of the Colorado Rockies

Over the past few years, being a Colorado Rockies fan has hurt. As of Wednesday, May 7, the Rockies have only won 20 percent of their games this season.

30 losses and only six wins sting. In 2023 and 2024, the Colorado Rockies have suffered triple-digit losing seasons, and it appears that we are on track to make it a three-peat in 2025, too.

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While the Colorado Rockies may be lackluster again this season, it is always a fun time to take in the sights, sounds, and food of Coors Field. You might leave the ball field disappointed, but at least you didn't have to do chores or go to work that day.

Rockies fans can't do much but throw up their hands and laugh at this point. We thought it would be kind of fun to have Chat GPT roast the Colorado Rockies as a comedian and asked artificial intelligence to do just that.

Chat GPT Roasts the Colorado Rockies as a Comedian

Alright, folks, let's talk about the Colorado Rockies — or as their fans affectionately call them: "The Reason We Watch Football in August."

Now listen, the Rockies are like that one friend who shows up to a group project with snacks and vibes but zero contribution. Like, "Hey, I brought Crumbl cookies! Oh... we had to win games too?"

The Rockies’ defense is so full of holes, I thought I was watching Swiss cheese play shortstop. Their outfield is so wide open, even Colorado’s weed laws couldn’t explain how high those fly balls go untouched.

And Coors Field? Oh, Coors Field is beautiful — it’s the only place where a routine pop fly can end up in the parking lot. A pitcher’s ERA in Denver looks like a zip code. One poor guy gave up a triple to a batboy.

But hey, give the Rockies credit — they are consistent! Not at winning, of course, but at finishing the season just good enough to give fans hope and just bad enough to ruin it by July. Every year, they come out hot in April like, “This is the year!” and by June, they’re like, “So anyway, what’s Shohei Ohtani doing?”

Read More: We Asked AI to Roast the City of Fort Collins

You know the Rockies are bad when fans start showing up just to enjoy the altitude. Like, they’re not there for the game — they’re there for the oxygen deprivation experience.

And don't even get me started on their roster decisions. Trading Nolan Arenado and throwing in $50 million was like selling your car and saying, “Don’t worry, I’ll cover the gas for the next year.” That’s not a trade — that’s a charity drive.

Read More: Could Artificial Intelligence Coaching Fix the Rockies Losing Season?

But hey, there’s always next season — that beautiful, shiny mirage Rockies fans chase every year like it’s the damn Holy Grail. Because hope springs eternal… especially at 5,280 feet.

It's never any fun to watch our favorite baseball team flounder so early in the season. We hope the Colorado Rockies can get it together soon. How? We're not sure, but we would love to see it happen.